Boot Camp

I haven't posted to this blog in at least 3 months, because I have been posting to a private blog.  My husband and I are in the process of adopting two children through the foster care system.  Since we got the kids, our personal life has had to be documented a little more personally.  :)  We are blessed to have a strong support system who loved our two new ones even before we knew them and are still praying for them, so the private blog has enabled us to keep them informed of what and how things are going here.  :)  Until all four of my children are legally mine, I want to be very careful to protect them.

So, our family has grown by two...that makes four kids, two adults, one dog, and a turtle.  :)  Doubling the amount of kids in the house has doubled the amount of activity.  But strangely, the added activity has been a positive change.  Once our adoption is finalized I'm not sure if I will move back to blogging regularly here or keep up the new blog and perhaps make it public.  But for now and I am going to keep them separate.

Which brings me today.  I had things to say and things to record that honestly are just about me.  It isn't about what our family is doing.  It isn't about how all the kids are doing.  It's just about what is going on inside my head (scary, believe me) and I wanted a place to put those thoughts and experiences down.  That is why I created this blog in the first place, so I came back to visit my old friend today.  Perhaps this will be a new trend.  All the self-reflection will happen here and my family "scrapbook" will happen on our private blog.  (By the way, if you are someone that I know in "real" life and you would like to be invited to my private blog, just shoot me an email.  I would love to invite you.)

I started boot camp this morning at my local gym.  The class that I am taking is for one month on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 5:15-6:16.  I have only sigend up for one month.  It will be a huge accomplishment if I stick with this and make it through one month.  Then we will consider any repeats.  In fact, a friend commented that she started the boot camp a few months ago and when she fell off the bandwagon about 1/2 way through the month, her husband got mad and told her that she was wasting money and she really needed to get herself out of bed and follow through...."we are not quitters" I believe was his motto!  :)  That made me laugh.  "Oh," I told her, "my husband doesn't even expect that I'll get up the first morning.  He'll be shocked if I actually make it a month!!!"  I guess low expectations have their perks! 

To be honest, I was scared last night as I thought about what I was going to face this morning.  I have never been to a boot camp and I have not been exercising/training/preparing myself for this at all.  I spontaneously signed up for this on Monday after another friend suggested it while eating lunch on Sunday.  Would I be so embarrassed that I will want to disappear?!  Will I be able to finish the workout?  I had no idea.

The same friend that told me about her husband, explained to me that boot camp reminded her of 7th grade Basketball practice all over again...line drills, push ups, running, weight training, sit-ups, etc.  I actually remember 7th grade Basketball practice and what I remember most about it is that when I couldn't do something, I would stop trying.  Whenever I wanted to quit, I would start making jokes, try to be funny, and try to entertain.  I have a smart whit when I put my mind to it, so it would come to save me from humiliation.  I was not a serious athlete and I would rather save-face then really dig down and try hard.  You run the risk of looking really stupid if you try and fail, I thought.  I'd rather not try at all.

My body was about to be put to the test...will my coping mechanism kick in and will I feel the urge to giggle and make jokes at my own expense.  I did not know.  Coming in a few minutes late resulted in me not getting in the beginner's group.  I had to step up to the group that had completed at least one month of training.  As we started out a sweet girl took me under her wing and showed me the exercises in each station.  You move quickly from station to station...only staying 2 minutes (I think) in each station.  The farther I got, the more I realized that no matter how hard it got, I wasn't going to quit.  Sure my body might stop for a moment to rest, but it always knew that it would start up again.  The weird thing is it never even wanted to stop.  As I was stepping up on the bleachers and alternating kicking my legs, I realized something.  I am no longer that girl in the 7th grade who only cares about saving-face.  Life has happened between then and now.....and luckily, I am the better for it. 

Where my body lacks in stamina and ability, my will power and determination have made up for it.  Stamina will come, you just have to give it time.  Inward strength is built out of circumstances in our life that are, most often, beyond our control.  These are the moments that I find myself on my face before my God.  These are the moments that I realize that since I apparantly have no control over this world, I am clinging to the faith, hope, and truth that in fact, my God does.  It is in these moments that my Bible reading becomes more than a ritual...it becomes a lifeline to God where I feel His presence and experience His comfort.  So, I thought about the recent events in my life that have caused my spiritual heart to exercise, grow, even break, all the while building stamina.  My physical exertion today was allowing me to compare my physical strengh to my inward strength, and it made me realize that inwardly, I am stronger than I think.  And if I am willing to stick with this program, I just might give my body the chance to try and catch up, at least a little, with my spirit.

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character, hope.   Romans 5:3-4

These verses have come to mean so much to me lately as I cling to God's promises and I can almost feel these things being formed inside of me.  So, this morning I kept on kicking.  I kicked for all the hard work we have done lately in grafting the two amazing children that God gave us into our family, I kicked for the personal health issues that I have faced lately, I kicked for my 84 year old grandfather (who was my last grandparent) who took his own life in order to move on to the next, I kicked because through it all I know that my God has never left me.  My strength comes from a place inside and from a hope that no hour of physical exertion can squash.

Was I the only one walking iinstead of running at times?  Yes.  May I still quit?  Yeh, maybe.  But today I realized something...although my physical heart is currently lacking in strength and stamina, my spiritual heart is stronger than it has ever been.  And isn't that the heart that really matters anyway?  God works in mysterious ways.

Clothes War III

Today I feel the need to be transparent.  I feel the need to confess.  I know that my confession will make some judge, but others will be comforted by the fact that everyone has their hidden issues.  There is a war raging in my house today and I am determined to come up victorious!  :)  With two more people in the house, comes two more people worth of clothes.  Add a busy schedule to that and the result is that if you at least have clean clothes....you are winning the battle.  But today I plan to win the war......all those clean clothes are going down......or is that up (in their drawers)!! 

Here is my confession:  for the past few weeks I have had several tubs of clean clothes at the end of my bed.  In the mornings after I make my bed, I dump the piles on the bed and we stir around to find what people are looking for.  As clothes get washed, they just get added to the pile.  I usually make a mental note to do some folding that day "when I get a chance."  At about 10:00 each night, when I can barely keep my eyes open anymore, I rake all the clothes off the bed back into the baskets and hope for better luck tomorrow in the folding department.  There it is.  The truth is out. 

But today will be different.  Today I have on my fighting shoes.  When I made the bed this morning and dumped the piles, I told them that this would be the day of their defeat!  :) 

Just in case you thought I was exaggerating; here is documented proof!  ;) 

Well, I must go now.   As you can see, I have work to do!

Thanksgiving

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
                                                            1 Thessalonians 5:18

Wow, there is so much in this one short verse.  I taught a children's lesson last week about this verse, and as often happens, God ended up teaching me!!  This verse is encouraging and comforting to me, because it gives instruction to each Christian about God's plan for our lives.  Maybe you are a college student struggling with a career choice.  Maybe you are a woman struggling with infertility.  Maybe you are a senior adult struggling with what God would have you do after retirement.   No matter what God's specific plan is for each of our lives, this verse says that there is one thing that we can all be sure is in God's will for our lives.......to give thanks in all circumstances.  So, whether we know God's specific plan for our lives at this moment or not, we can be actively living in His will.  Whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, we should give thanks. 

This brings up some tough questions, though.  We all know that it is easy to give thanks in the good circumstances, but what about the hard times that we all find ourselves in sometimes.  What about that woman that is struggling with infertility?  Or what about a widow that is alone during the holidays, remembering times past?  What about a mother that has just unexpectedly lost a child in a random accident?  Do they have to give thanks in these circumstances as well?

This is the really cool part that gets me excited!!  You see, it is the last three words in this verse that are the secret ingredient, if you will.  When tough times come, we as Christians, can have hope and are able to be grateful, because we are in Christ Jesus.  We know from experience that God can be trusted and even when our hearts might be breaking, we can still have faith in His love and have hope for our lives in Christ Jesus.  And oh, what a testimony it is to the people around us when they see a Christian giving thanks during a horrific circumstance.  Of course, God doesn't say that we have to give thanks for the circumstance, only to give thanks during it!  :)  There are specific Christians in my own life that immediately come to mind when I think of someone who gave thanks during a tough circumstance.  This causes unbelievers to do a double take and consider the power of this person we call, Christ Jesus.  That is what it's all about.

So, this Thanksgiving season, no matter what circumstances you are in, I encourage you to give thanks and to have hope.  Remember, if you are a Christian, you have an unmatchable power inside of you just waiting to be tapped into.  If you are not a Christian, maybe this is the day that God has chosen to invite you to accept him into your life.

Thanksgiving Lunch

Today the kids and I went to Victoria's school to eat Thanksgiving lunch with her.  They had the traditional turkey and dressing meal.  Victoria didn't want to eat in the cafeteria, so she just ate her packed lunch!  :)  I personally thought the turkey and dressing looked pretty good!

This is Victoria with her friend, Reece

I am looking forward to having a memorable Thanksgiving and spending special time with family....also looking forward to some good eating!  My hubby makes a mean sweet potato casserole!  :)

Look who got glasses!!

Victoria had been complaining about not being able to see the TV without squinting and her teacher has been letting her go to the floor by the board to read things.  So, we decided her eyes needed to be tested.  Sure enough, she can not see at a distance very well.  He said anything beyond eight feet was fuzzy!  She was amazed at how clear things looked when she put on her glasses.

Here she is on Sunday with her friend, Emma.  I'm so glad that Emma had to get glasses recently also, so Victoria isn't embarrassed.  She was actually very excited about getting glasses! ;) 

Courageous

A few weeks ago Robert and I went to see the movie, Courageous.  I knew that it was a Christian movie, so when we went to the theatre, I convinced Robert to let us watch it to help support it.  He agreed!  What I didn't know was that the whole movie was about fathers being good dads.  I felt bad at first, because it appeared that I had convinced Robert to watch the movie as an "intervention."  Ha!  While we were driving home, I explained how great of a dad that I thought he was.  His response to the movie was, "Watching that movie reminds every good daddy why he does what he does and encourages others to do better."  So, either way, I would encourage any daddy to watch this movie.  It is very sweet.  If you have not seen the movie, you can view the trailer below.

As the credits were rolling after the movie, something special happened.  In the last scene of the movie one of the dads is sharing his testimony at a local church.  He asks the question, "Who will be a man of courage?"  Men in the congregation begin to stand up and say, "I will."  There in the pitch dark movie theatre, a man down front stood to his feet and said, "I will."  Then another stood and said, "I will."  Men all over the movie theatre stood and made that promise.  Oh my, what a moving and incredible impromptu moment!!  It was amazing...I definitely witnessed a special moment and I feel very blessed that the man that God gave my children has promised, "I will."

Mother of Four

I have been the mother to four blessings for two weeks now.  l remember the fear that I had those first few days.  I knew that being a mother to four kids would be different; it would require me to be different.  I knew that who I was would evolve and change; I could almost feel it happening inside of me and it terrified me a little bit.  I wondered if once the tranformation was done, would I still feel like myself?  Would I still be me?  Or would I be so different that I regretted the change and longed to go back to the way that I was.  This may sound completely ridiculus, but none the less, it was how I felt.  I can remember feeling something similiar right before I was to give birth to Carson.  How would it feel to be the mother of two instead of the mother of just one?  Would the new responsibilities and demands change me?    Would it change my relationship with the first?  Change always brings unknown.  Oh, but God is good.  And He is undoubtedly shaking His head at my worries.  "My Child, if you will trust in me, I can bless you."

And blessing me, He is.  Fortunately, I am successfully becoming the mother of four and yes, I am happy to say that I do still feel like myself.  Ha!  Is our family changing?  YES!  Is it good change?  YES!  After only two weeks, it is becoming hard to imagine our life and our family without them.  I feared that adding two more children would change me and I would not feel like myself; I am quickly realizing that now I would not know who I was if I wasn't the mother to these four.  God chose to bless our family with these four specific wonderful kids.  We were made for them and they were made for us. 

Happy Halloween!

Carson got to wear his Halloween costume to school on Monday.  He was so excited and they had a blast.  They had pizza for lunch and a fun party!  Carson sent Halloween sugar cookies as his treats for his friends.

Mrs. Tata's class (Carson is the Red Ranger)

Carson with his buddy, Carter, aka Batman

The whole group again!  So cute!

Our Beautiful Cleopatra.......Queen of the Nile  :)

Our brew!

A fun time was had by all!!

Pumpkins

Tonight we carved the pumpkins that we picked out at the pumpkin patch last week.  They turned out really cute!  Looking forward to trick-or-treating tomorrow!

Pumpkin Patch

Today we went to the Pumpkin Patch with Carson's preschool class.  He had a blast hanging out with his friends!

Carson's class

Carson loves his teacher Mrs. Tata and thinks that she is so cool!

Carson with his best friend, Carter, and his little sister, Elliott

Carter and Carson hiding from my camera! ;)